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what do you think is up with this guy please help?


Aug 05, 2009 by Girly Girl | Posted in Singles & Dating


I have been dating this guy for 2 months. He asked me to go on vacation with him. We never said we were exclusive but he did say he hasnt been seeing anyone since me so I felt satisfied with that and decided to go with him. It was a wonderful time... for the most part.....

He was sweet, loving and kind very affectionate too but here is the problem. he didn't inituate sex often. We were at an extremly romantic
island and he even told me I was the hottest girl there at the resort. There were even nights when we wouldn't do it at all!? He is not an older guy so my first question would be.....can u be in your early 30's and have a problem getting aroused??? Sex was fine a week b4 we went.
He would see me in hot outfits and say I looked hot and gorgeous but didn't really seem to follow thru so I would start it up most of the time. Well finally I had had enough and gave up on being the one to inituate. I feel like he must not like me anymore but then......question 2...if he didn't why would he compliment me all the time, buy me gifts there and hold my hand and be affectionate???

I do know he was dumped by an ex while they were engaged but that was 2 years ago... who hasn't been dumped at some point in their life.

I do know he told me I was out of his league but we started dating anyway. I think hes gr8 but since he never took it a step more serious on vacation officially asking me to be his girlfriend I don't feel it's my place to bring up a viagra talk but it's driving me crazy. Since we have been back he has been distant. My guy friend feels he is just intimidated because he may not want to be dumped again especially by a girl "out of his league". I say maybe it was something i did or didn't do.
ps. I'm 6 years older than him and don't feel out of his league.
also if there was another girl I feel he would have been sneaking phone calls n texts while we were there in fact i saw his phone on the desk unattended the whole time we were there even while he was in the bathroom.



The problem could be the beach. Spending a lot of time in the water has its downsides... =/


Bob Popavich | Aug 05, 2009



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvBjy-EMj Ow
the half | Aug 05, 2009




he likes the opposite sex?
miss trie | Aug 05, 2009




not all relationships are completely soaked in sex. did you ever think he didn't want sex to be the main focus of your relationship?
Ella | Aug 05, 2009




Well, maybe he wasn't talking to another girl, but maybe thinking about another one. It seems like he has gotten a lot more distant from you since you went on vacation and came back. I don't really know what else could be his problem.
Ethan | Aug 05, 2009




maybe he is just really scared of rejection so he doesn't want to be the one to start things. he also seems to have a bit of a low self esteem, try to give him a compliment everyday..just like he compliments you. hearing you say nice things about him will make him feel better and probably more secure. make him feel like he is good enough for you
Ashley | Aug 05, 2009




HE IS GAY!
Emily | Aug 05, 2009




mabey he is just not ready for it IDK
BOB | Nov 22, 1929




He's still gun shy and recovering from being dumped by his fiancee. He's worried that if he gets too involved with you that it will happen to him all over again and his heart couldn't take it. It's obvious he's very attracted to you buying you gifts, being affectionate in public, complimenting you, holding hands, and all. But when it comes to sex, he's having flashbacks of his fiancee and times he spent with her and how they broke up. He's having serious trust issues. My advice to you if you really want this to work between you two is to have a serious discussion with him about how you are feeling. Then offer to go to couples counseling with him to resolve any issues he may feel is affecting the both of you. That's my advice. Hope this helps you out.
flightguy | Aug 05, 2009




You need to sit down and talk to him about his actions. If he cares how you feel he will talk too and give you the answers you are looking for. Communication is very important in all relationships.
Moe | Aug 05, 2009




That's tough, I know how you feel, at least about this vagueness. Sometimes if you are a passionate person you feel like making first move, but still that's men's job. I mean if he hasn't established your status in his life or the sort of relationship you have, then it's no good. Sorry. Perhaps he's just disillusioned... Maybe just have fun with him. :/ On the other hand if you NEED to know there's just one thing I know you can do - confront him. That's what I'd do. Good luck. ;)
Lee | Aug 05, 2009




There may be two explanations:

It's unlikely someone in his early thirties would have erectile dysfunction, and if you were as hot as he said you were, arousal might now have been an issue either. But maybe he's not over the former girlfriend yet. Maybe he's still in that hellish post breakup limbo of "I can't stop thinking about her" and "her" is not you. It'd be interesting to know if he and she had been at the same vacation spot once upon a time. Two years is a long time to grieve a relationship but maybe he hasn't moved on?

Or maybe he is intimidated and afraid that if he gets too attached to you, a girl out of his league, he'll not survive it this time if the relationship ends. We tend to look forward in our lives by paying too much attention to the past. If the breakup was bad, and now he's gotten attached to you, he might be protecting himself from further hurt by being the first to back off.
Maria Reine | Aug 05, 2009




Maybe he is gay, or bi, but it's time you sit down with him and talk it out just like you wrote here. You won't know more until you do. Whether you just come right out directly and ask or don't approach the subject to hastily is up to you. Just think it out real good first and good luck!
Cheripie | Aug 05, 2009




You delay relating that you're 6 years his senior, until well into your exposition.

So my first question would be, "who" picked up the tab for the vacation? If you went 50/50, then that diffuses my question. Did you? Or did he pay for it all, or did you?

If you had to initiate the love-making, then either he has a sexual arousal problem: he is really not greatly attracted to you; or perhaps your sexual needs are simply greater than his; all kinds of possible reasons for a lessened interest in sex on his part.

You may consider these grossly vulgar questions: but, who was on top(if there was a top and bottom); did either of you perform fellatio on the other, or neither; some people like it "this" way, others, "that" way.

He was dumped after becoming engaged? That should raise a "there's a serious problem here" sign. Have you ever observed him closely with very attractive guys? Could be---------!

If you still really care for him, and want the relationship to continue, then my advice is unbeknownst to him, contact a competent therapist and discuss the matter thoroughly with them. For you could possibly be letting yourself in for a lot of needless sufferring.

Good luck,

Alberich
Alberich | Aug 05, 2009




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